If Tupac had Thug Life, I have #momlife. I’ve tweeted this in the past but now momma friends, I’m throwing the door wide for you to leave your own #momlife comments below. Yes, I am old. I listened to Tupac back in the day. And now he has made his return in my imagination while I compose lyrics about being a mom to the tune of “I get around.” The incident below spurred me to finally write this post.
Running around doing errands before a trip and stepping out of the car to drop off our lawn mower to be sharpened for a moment elicits screaming and crying from my toddler Oz. My oldest Reuben sitting in the back seat has been given a treat bag at school which he seems to be happily munching on. As we are driving around he yells from the backseat “um, I have gum on my knee!!” I am unaware that he even has gum. Upon asking how he got gum on his knee he replies “I wanted to see if the gum would stretch from my mouth to my knee…..oh great! Now its on my booster seat….and my shorts….great….now people will call me gum-leg-candy-butt!!” I think to myself, people could probably call me candy butt too with how much chocolate I’ve been stress eating.
I know it’s not just my life that is like this. Seeing your posts on facebook, hearing your stories and laughing and crying together has brought me to compile a list of #momlife moments. Text it, tweet it, facebook or comment below but I know you’re having days like this as well where you want to both laugh and cry. Where you feel like a warrior thug for making it through the day round and round in your minivan just trying to keep it together. Welcome to #momlife.
- Discovering your daughter has colored your white dining room chairs, table and her arms and legs in multiple colors of sharpie. Or that your son has colored your dining room table with a sharpie. Hiding every single sharpie in your house only to have your child mysteriously continue to find them though you have sworn you have put them all away.
- Your daughter praying for Siri and the earthworm she found during her nightly prayers.
- Buying clothes from Target, Wal-Mart or goodwill because your shoulders, and knee areas of clothing are perpetually stained from children wiping their hands/mouths/other dirty body parts on your clothing as if you were a napkin. It’s just not worth it to spend money on clothes though you still want to look cute as a mom. Thankfully all the other moms you know have stains on their clothing in these areas too.
- Taking your child to daycare/a sitter just so you can sleep. Dreaming about having a date with your husband where you sleep and then sit in your own home in peace and quiet.
- Feeling overwhelmed that while your child sleeps you could: a. take a nap as well b. finish that craft project you started three months ago, c. wash the pile of dishes in the sink d. check Facebook telling yourself that you’ll get off of it soon to be productive only to hear your child’s cries a hour later when you wonder where the time went.
- Being amazed that a jar of bubble potion can entertain your children for hours- forget expensive and elaborate summer camps! I have a bubble wand and I know how to use it!
- Your son tangling himself in his seatbelt in his booster seat to the point where you contemplate cutting the seatbelt off because you cannot figure out how to get him out. You decide that your husband will freak out if you cut the seatbelt and consider that it will be one of those ridiculously expensive things to replace. You drive to your husband’s work so he can deal with his crazy son and he flips him around and around to untangle him which you couldn’t do because you’re 8 months pregnant with your other son in a carseat as well.
- You rotate holding whichever child happens to be crying hoping that eventually one will stop so you can drink the cup of coffee you’ve already heated up three times after brewing it hours ago.
- Seeing your son’s placid face while he is sleeping, being grateful for how much joy he brings, relief that he is sleeping, and dread that only in a few short hours he will awake again to find those blasted sharpies you have so carefully hidden.
- You wonder if Tony Hawk’s mom has written a book about how to survive being a mom with a son who likes to jump, crash, ride and balance on all sorts of things that will inevitably result in broken bones, fractured skulls and lots of visits to the ER.
Bein’ a Momma ain’t eaaaasy!
That’s right baby- that’s how I roll…no makeup, dark circles under my eyes, really old sweatshirt, chipped gold nail-polish and my wedding bling. Do not step to this or you’ll get served. #momlife repreSENT!!