“Just because I can fix a flat tire doesn’t mean I want to.” This was the thought that was running through my head as I fumed about the flat front right tire on our black maxima. I didn’t know it was flat until I lent the car to my friend so she could go do some errands with her kids. Half-way through fastening their car seats into the car, she stopped and said “uh-oh, did you know your right front tire is flat?” We’ve taken the car to have the tires inspected, had one replaced and have learned that all three of the others have slow leaks. Nothing to do with the tires, everything to do with the rims apparently. Which are much more costly to replace than tires apparently. I thought that she was referring to the slightly soft tire that could use some air, but when I checked the other side of the car it was totally flat. like, looney tunes car flat.
I felt bad because I was trying to be helpful to a friend and it turned out to be far less helpful than what I hoped. Thankfully another friend helped her out. It was also infuriating because I was coming out of MOPS after a wonderful advent brunch, filled with prayer, a great time of fun and connecting and good food. Do you ever feel like when God does really wonderful stuff in your life, almost immediately afterwards there is something/spiritual forces to distract you from and rob you of the joy he’s given you? I started fuming about our car tires, getting irritated at Dave (even though he just brought the car in last month to solve the tire problem), blaming him for the flat tire (not my finest wife moment). When I got home and tried to sound calm in telling him about the tire this was how our conversation went.
me: “The car tire is flat again. We (i.e. you) need to take it in to get new tires.”
dave: “did you fill it up?”
me: “no- I just want you to take care of it.”
dave: “did you remember that we have the automatic air pump in the car to fill it up? It’s really bad to drive on a flat tire- you’ll wreck the rims that way. You’re a liberated, independent woman, you can do these things yourself!”
me: (annoyed and embarrassed I didn’t remember the car pump) “just because I can change a flat tire doesn’t mean that I want to change the tire.”
Then I think I went on some sort of rant about how I’d change the car tire, bake Christmas cookies, do our laundry for our trip to see the in-laws this weekend, do the dishes and look hot and be cheerful the whole time. (can you hear the sarcasm?)
So, the title of my blog- Dave and I generally share responsibilities equally. He happens to be a better cook than me so he does most of the cooking. I’ve caught up to him a bit, but he’s still better than me. I mow our lawn because he has terrible allergies, and I really like caring for our lawn since I was once a “turf-grass management” major at Michigan State U. (yes, you read that correctly).
But there are sometimes that even though I can do certain things, I don’t want to do them. I don’t like to work on our car. I don’t like to shovel snow. I don’t like to change light bulbs. I don’t like setting traps to catch mice. I can do all of these things, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I want to do them. I don’t know if this sets me back as a believer in egalitarian marriage- but there are some times that I want Dave to do things men have traditionally done. Other liberated ladies out there- how do you deal with this in your marriage or as a single person? How do you negotiate what you want to do and what is simply expected of you because you’re the woman/mom/wife/queen of the castle?