If and when I go into labor

It is difficult not to picture how life could change forever. Will it happen when I’m out running errands? Helping myself to a second cup of coffee? Or at a dinner party with friends?  Will I be alone when I realize it is actually going to happen or be able to celebrate in the company of others?  How will my husband and sons respond? How will I feel when I realize that what I’ve been waiting for, longing for and picturing is actually going to happen…… or not happen.

I’m still waiting to hear back from InterVarsity press about the book proposal I submitted at the beginning of September, and waiting to hear back has felt a little like being pregnant and waiting to go into labor- an unknown journey that will change my life whether the proposal is accepted or rejected.  If accepted than it will literally be a lot of labor- working and reworking sentences, dealing with self-loathing that all writers seem to face, and striving to communicate a story that I believe God has given me- that we are shaped to be sent into his mission, for our sake and the sake of others. If rejected, well, I imagine self-loathing on that side too, dealing with doubt, finding the courage to revise, submit to other publishers or just wait for a different time to submit the proposal.

I’ve been trying to keep things updated here so whatever the news I can share with you bloggy friends what this journey has been like. Of course I want to write the post that says: “IT WAS ACCEPTED! I’M GOING TO BE AN AUTHOR! WOO HOO!!!” and be cheered on by friends to git r’ done. But I know it’s just as likely that I could write a post that says: “Sad face, it was rejected. This is the first step in becoming a real author.” And then probably quote Kelly Clarkson and Kanye about what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, blah, blah, trying not to throw a pity party but wanting the condolences of friends in disappointment.

So- I’ll keep you blog posted whatever ends up happening- thanks for keeping it real on the sidewalk.

xxoo Jessica


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